Brighter than ever
/Brighter than ever
Nearer than I could hope for
Your loveliness dear
Just a little haiku-ish ditty, written quickly before dashing off to life, with Lena on my mind.
Loving a deceased person has it's challenges. Obviously, they aren't "here" physically. Some of their things are here. We keep them in special places, pretty boxes, and urns. We carry the memory of their personality, their warmth, and spirit on our heart. It's never enough. And we've got to accept that despite how it sucks not having the choice.
The majority of my daughter's belongings are in plastic bins, stacked in a closet, safely out of emotional sight. Crash prevention. For what am I saving these items when they only bring forth pain, I do not know. Punishing myself for not dying first? Hoping they'll remind me of better times although that is seldom my reaction?
She is still here after all.
Loving a deceased person has its blessings. Just recently, when feeling depressed from a lapse in self-care, I napped in the middle of the day. Lena, all grown up and lovely as ever, visited my dream and spoke aloud reintroducing me to a woman we'd known but hadn't seen in years. Lena seemed neither happy nor sad, just perfectly lovely. Maybe it was actually me experiencing a happy-sad balance, recognizing how lovely to see her after all this time.
And brighter than ever.
What action helps you keep the memories brighter than ever?
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“In order to understand the world, one has to turn away from it on occasion."
— Albert Camus in “The Myth of Sisyphus and Other Essays"