My nerves are shot

My nerves are shot

So I was reading through some journal entries from several months back. Seriously, why do we do that? Sometimes the words make more sense, but just as often I'm reminded of the mess I was that day. But I digress. 

On this particular day, I'm chatting with myself about how I'm not as tough as I used to be. Also, that I'm more fragile. But is that true? Was my stoicism toughness or protection? Having peeled away layers of emotion this last decade, I'm probably stronger now than ever. Or perhaps I'm perfecting my balance. It has indeed become easier to say no to things I don't enjoy. Quite comfortable with the no word. So there's that. 

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Balance isn't found

"Balance isn't found, it's created," says the Alpha Romero Super Bowl commercial. 

Since Balance, yes, with a capital B, is the word I've chosen to guide me this year, every time I hear it mentioned, I perk up. To me, this message means less seeking, more creating and action, and excludes blaming others when there is an imbalance. It reminds me I'm the one in control of my life.

When seeking balance, I find myself signing up for more webinars or online workshops or reading more self-help books. Not that any of these aren't worthwhile, however, I'm beginning to realize they are likely a distraction or procrastination from getting the real work done. When I find myself complaining about not enough hours in the week to create, an honest review of where the time went reveals pages and pages of notes taken while listening to others' ideas. 

When creating balance, my week has morning rituals, regular meals, time outdoors, scheduled blocks of creativity clearly separated from work and call my mother time. By the end of the week, I'm full of good feels. From now on, when I fail to create this balance, I'll think of the Alpha Romero commercial reminding me to keep all four wheels grounded and take those beautiful curves with grace and balance. 

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This balance thing

I can go for days flowing along at a just right pace, feeling accomplished and thinking I've finally figured it all out. Perhaps I shouldn't be surprised how often adjustments are necessary to maintain the balance. 

Blaming myself for a loss of self-care focus, for allowing an indulgence, or a temporary devil-may-care attitude that caused the imbalance is useless. Forgiveness, a return to loving kindness of self, a reckoning of my humanness and a reminder to consider how far I've come. We learn from our past to be better now; creating hope for the future.

And as the scales return to a state of equilibrium, let me enjoy these moments with simple celebration noting the ebb and flow of life. It doesn't have to "mean" something when the measures tip too far north or south. A humble recognition is sufficient. 

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About this time every year, the internet and social media is ripe with goal setting strategies. Everything from charts and diagrams, assessing the past year, to writing a lengthy annual list are used to create a fresh path for the year to come. Unfortunately, it's been proven how often these goals fizzle within a short time. 

I absolutely subscribe to the notion of having a mission or vision for a project, a time period, or a goal to be accomplished and then limiting oneself to only participating in tasks and activities that feed that mission. What has typically tripped me up is trying to remember exactly what I'm pursuing without finding and rereading the document, perhaps making adjustments (or excuses), and then recommitting. 

Instead, and in honor of a more minimalist attitude these last couple years, selecting a single word for the year is actually working better for me than any other strategy I've tried. And I'm a person who likes LOTS of words. This simplification allows for ease in remembering what I'm striving for, flexibility interpreting its meaning on any given day, and is more sustainable. 

Last year's word was Magical. Balance is my word for 2017. 

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